Andrew L. Urban
And so it came to pass, the Great Awakening spread throughout the land, and the people blinked at the brightness of the light as their eyes adjusted to the Revelation. Some became motionless like statutes, staring blankly at the crowds celebrating the Revelation, some in the crowd holding aloft lumps of coal, others filling their cars with petrol even if it didn’t need any. One reveller unfurled a hand made sign that read “I told you so”. Another waved an enlarged photo of his gas oven with a chicken roasting inside. Such was the Revelation Celebration. And they saw it was good.
It came like bankruptcy; gradually at first, then suddenly. The Revelation had been shimmering like an oasis on the horizon for years, with the Believers (ironically denigrated by some as Deniers) calling out, shouting online, ridiculing the Alarmists as a cult, but suddenly one Southern spring, the light brightened. The clouds lifted like blinkers, the gnashing of teeth subsided and the first signs of Regeneration emerged.
One of the early chief champions of the Regeneration was the American President, who scorned the deadbeat Alarmist Army, spurning them, mocking them and worst of all, finally ignoring them. Hastening the end, a world famous billionaire known for his technological nouse, turned 180 degrees on the subject and turned down the alarmist rhetoric so low, it actually became a disendorsement. And the Alarmists were confused. And the Believers laughed at them, called them the Greenewables, the band that knows only the green tune.
Thus licenced and emboldened by two politically opposed billionaires, conversations began to light up windows everywhere, all powered by fossil fuels. COP30 in Brazil was the wrap party in the guise of climate consensus. So crazed were the organisers, they destroyed half a rainforest to drive a road through it, driving a stake through the heart of their environment. Meanwhile, the event was a handy wagon to which locals hitched their own political agenda.
With the realisation that warming ain’t a real problem, the debate is cooling.
A 2024 study in the Journal of Climate Research revealed that while average global temperatures have climbed, the increase over the past decade was less dramatic than major organizations predicted a few years ago. Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, found that many climate models consistently overestimated warming patterns, creating a gap between projections and reality. It added to the notion that the warming alarmism had overcooked the facts to heat up the scaremongering. Extreme warming was being cooled, a refreshing change, if a bit late and a bit slow.
But in any case, warming isn’t really the issue; warming and cooling have always been the result of natural variability of the earth’s climate. (The ice age melted…) The contentious issue is what causes warming. Slowly, the duped world is finally recognising the dangerous political basis fuelling climate alarmism. Carbon dioxide, vilified as the temperature control, has been used as a sleight of hand …The light is seeping in … The crowds are singing from the Deana Carter album, ‘Did I shave my legs for this?’
There remained one dark corner, however. Here was a huddled figure, mumbling into a model wind turbine as if it were a microphone, “cheapest form of energy … cheapest form of energy …” They came to take him away … in a renewable vehicle (second hand car).
Many false prophets also were still spruiking their doomsday scenarios (Al Gore, the British Royals, Hollywood elites, the UN’s waterlogged Guterres, the over-zealous Greens) but the people talked amongst themselves or turned away and cracked new jokes, like ‘How many climate alarmists does it take to change the globe? Dunno…the answer is Bowen in the wind.’